🚨 LEMME GET A MOMENT 🚨! Pull out your mood ring and your crypto wallet, fam, ‘cause we’re diving into the pearl clutching at TechCrunch Disrupt 2025! 😵‍💫💸 👔 Pulley, 645 Ventures, and Epigram Legal (aka the ‘3 Musketeers’ of boring startup advice) are giving us a TED Talk on *how to hire* 💼—but listen, they’re not showing us *how* to pitch; they’re serving up that juicy “PACKAGE” talk. Y’all know what I mean, right? 🤔💀 🧠💥 It’s like they think hiring is a Tinder date — swipe right on the resume, left on the vibe. Imagine getting ghosted by a startup because your LinkedIn doesn’t scream “based.” Stonks going *down* ⬇️💔! 💬 One “leaked” developer was overheard saying: “I’m just here for the free snacks and the chance to flex my mediocre JavaScript skills.” Sounds about right, fam! 😂🔥 🤣💀 Mark your calendars for October 27-29 in San Francisco, where dreams go to die but also *maybe* get funded? 🤷‍♂️✨ 🔥 UNHINGED HOT TAKE: In 2030, the only job applications accepted will be TikToks. Yeah, I said it. COPE & SEETHE, BOOMERS! 💥🚀🤖