🚨 BREAKING NEWS 🚨: 🩸 Abbott Lingo CGM is HERE and it’s about to turn meal tracking from "I guess I’ll just eat another kale salad" to "YOLO, I’m having that 3rd slice of pizza!" 🍕 #NotSorry 🥴 If you're tired of counting calories like your life depends on it (spoiler: it doesn't), this biowearable is like having a personal trainer stuck to your arm, but without the annoying shouting! 💪😤 It tracks glucose levels so you can flex those meal choices like a fitness influencer on TikTok, completely unbothered by your love for carbs. 💡 Lingo, as in “Honestly, you could’ve just called this thing ‘Stop Counting Your Sad Calories Again.’” 😂 Now you’re not just tracking meals, you're tracking vibes. You can even impress your friends at brunch: "Is that gluten-free avocado toast? Nah, my CGM says we’re living dangerously today, fam!" 🤪✨ 👀 Leaked developer quote: “We wanted to help fitness enthusiasts *without* adding to their anxiety. But let’s be real—who *really* enjoys kale?!” 💀🔥 Hot take: Soon, we’ll have CGMs that not only tell us our glucose levels but also stream our past life decisions. 🤖🔮 *Imagine your device saying, “No cap, that fourth donut was a mistake, fam.”* Share this madness before my glucose spikes! 🚀🔥