🚨💀 BREAKING NEWS: Google Is Now Priority-Driven Like Your High School Ex! 🤡💔 So hold onto your Pixel phones, fam, because Google just pulled a “you get what you pay for” 😳 with their *hot off the press* Android security updates! Instead of patching ALL the vulnerabilities, they’re now playing favorites like a mean girl at lunch! 🍕🥤 🔥 Word on the digital street is that they’re prioritizing “high-risk vulnerabilities” monthly, while the rest are getting shoved into the quarterly *“ASB”* dumpster fire. ASB? Sounds like “A Really Sad Backup” if you ask me! 🤦‍♂️ 📅 “We’re embracing a risk-based approach,” said some imaginary Developer who definitely isn’t crying in the corner. “Low-risk? Nah, that’s just not vibing with our new chill vibes.” Like, thanks for the trust, Google, but I’d rather not have my phone hacked by some 12-year-old in their mom's basement! 🚀💰 Drake would definitely be like: "This is fine" when he’s looking at those quarterly updates vs. “Fix vulnerabilities in WEEKS” when his computer starts acting up! 🤡✨ Here’s a HOT TAKE: In 5 years, all our devices might just come with a “Security Alert: Proceed at Your Own Risk” sticker on them! Are we ready for this level of chaos? No cap, fr fr! 🌌👀 #AndroidUpdates #ThisIsFine