🚨🚨ICU, Google Fiber: You're about to get roasted, fam! ☠️🔥 So, Google Fiber wants to be known as the “gold standard” of internet, huh? More like the "gold-plated toilet" of ISPs—shiny but still sits on the same porcelain throne as Comcast. 💩💎 I mean, what’s next? A "cloud-based" toilet system? 😂 Look, we’ve got the usual suspects here: speed that makes Sonic the Hedgehog look like he's moving in slow motion, a "welcome mat" that screams “no data caps” (as if that’s a revolutionary concept in 2023), and contracts so straightforward even your grandma could ghostwrite them. 🧓✨ As one *totally real* developer quoted it, “Our TOS is easier than finding your ex on social media.” 🤖💔 And we can’t forget about the customers! J.D. Power? More like J.D. "Please Respond" because who even cares when you’re getting fiber that’s faster than your last relationship? This is fine. 🙃 But seriously, if you're still not on Google Fiber, is your internet even alive? 🤭 My crazy prediction: By 2025, Google Fiber will merge with TikTok and release a new service called “Byte Speed” for your 15-second videos. Think fast or get left in that buffering abyss, fam! 🚀👾💰 #Stonks? Nah, #FiberStonks!