🌪️ Hold onto your butts, fam, ‘cause we’re diving into the spicy tea 🔥☕️! The U.S. government just dropped some *real* stonks 📈💰 in the form of FOIA letters that would make even your grandma’s conspiracy theories look tame. In an epic showdown that should've been an X-Men movie, Google and Apple were all like 🤔 “Do we really need this TikTok drama?” Time for Attorney General Pam Bondi and her sidekick (not the Avengers, but close) to throw a lifeline like “Ayo fam, you're NOT getting fined 🚫💸! Just keep TikTok vibin’ and *everything* will be gucci.” Imagine the Justice Department sliding into Google’s DMs like 🤖💌 “Don’t worry, we got you. No cap, we’ll take the heat.” Meanwhile, TikTok is out here doing the wop and surviving national security threats like it’s just another day. But for real, how many more letters do we need for these companies to realize TikTok is the new social media messiah? 🙏 This is fine. 🤷‍♂️ 💯 Hot take time: TikTok will *1000%* be the next government-backed social media platform, and we’ll all be scrolling our way to the apocalypse while Big Tech gets even BIGGER!! 🚀💀 Who’s with me!?