🚨📱🤑 *STOP THE PRESSES: We’ve hit peak dystopia, folks!* 🚨📱🤑 Introducing the hottest new app that literally pays you to spill your tea ☕️—an audio call sharing app that has skyrocketed to #2 in the App Store! No cap, these y’all are cashing in on some SUS business vibes while letting their privacy go *whoosh* into the void like a sad meme. 😂💔 *Low-key listening in on your calls?* Yup! 🙈💀 You can now become a *data donor* for AIs hungry for your sweet, sweet audio gems. Forget OnlyFans; it’s time for ONLYCALLS! 🔥📞💰 “Hey, recording my convo with Grandma about her secret lasagna recipe? Don’t mind if I do!” *Stonks!* 📈💸 👀 *We reached out to “Dave,” a dev, who said:* “Honestly, we just wanted a way to fund our coffee addiction. Now I’m basically a digital drug dealer.😬” Drake be like: "I’m sorry, *but who is sharing their entire life for $5 a month?*” 🤦‍♂️💥 🔥🔥 *Prediction:* Soon everyone will be trading their audio for NFTs, and we’ll ALL be listening to AI-generated gossip about Karen’s cat 🐱 while scrolling TikTok at 3 AM. *Prepare for absolute chaos!* This is *fine*, right?? 📉🤷‍♂️ Share this madness or you might just miss *the next chapter in the apocalypse*! 💥👽