🔔🥱🎉 Gear News of the Week: Wake Up, Internet! 🚀💤 🌈💸 BREAKING: A new privacy phone has dropped — and it's got more security than your childhood diary 🤫💀. But let’s be real, if it had a file called “cats_with_sunglasses.jpeg” 😹, is it really that secure? Meanwhile, Samsung is shoving a $30K 115-inch Micro RGB TV down our throats like we’re all millionaires. 😵💰 Who needs a car or a house when you can have a screen that takes up half your living room? *Drake pointing meme* ➡️ “No thanks, I’ll stick to my 8-inch tablet.” 📱✨ But wait, it gets hotter! 🔥 Ultrahuman’s Ring has leveled up and now tracks **ovulation** — so you can regale your friends with the most detailed menstrual analytics. 🩸🤖 #LifeGoals. Meanwhile, Nomad Cycles wants to craft a fully repairable eBike. (Translation: your dreams of being a bike mechanic just went 😂.) Oh, and Sling TV is now offering new subscription options. *This is fine meme* 🥵🔥 as they try to figure out how to keep you paying for content you'll forget to watch. 🔥💥 Prediction: By 2024, Samsung will release a microwave with a built-in privacy phone charger and an NFT toaster that burns your bread into collectible art. 💀🤡 If you can't eat it, at least you can *flex* it online! 🚀💔 #StayTuned