🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Fusion Startups Are Swimming in So Much Cash 💰💰 that even Scrooge McDuck is looking for a retirement plan! 🌊💦 Listen up fam! 🤖🔋 You thought your student loans were bad? Welcome to the Fusion Finance Fiasco, where they’ve raised a whopping **$7.1 BILLION** (yep, that’s *billion* with a B!) so they can potentially turn themselves into clean energy superheroes 🦸‍♂️💚 … or just keep asking for money year after year. 💀 These companies are making more dough than your local bakery, but the jury’s still out on whether they can actually harness the power of the SUN! 🌞🔥 (Wait, is that just bad WiFi?) “Fusion? More like confusion,” said one developer who also desperately wants to buy a Tesla. 🚗💨 Let’s be real though. They’re raising funds like it’s a stonks meme and praying it’s not just a hamster wheel spin 🤡. Meanwhile, we sit back with our overpriced iced coffees, feeling like this is fine while they play with fire (literally). 🐹💥 So, what’s next? I can see the future already: The *FUSION GAMES*—an annual event where these startups fight in an octagon for a chance at more VC cash. Who wouldn’t want to watch that? 👀💪🏻🔥 In conclusion, if they ever figure out how to harness fusion energy, I’m covering myself in gold and moving to Mars. 🚀✨ No cap!