🚨💥 BREAKING: ExpressVPN Just Got the Ultimate Audit Thirst Trap! 💥🚨 In the latest episode of "Who Can Keep It Secret?", ExpressVPN dropped a *KPMG-certified* glow-up! 🎤💫 They're officially the no-log kings – like, "we don’t know who you are, and we don’t wanna know" vibes. Can I get a *stonks*? 📈💰 🔥📊 In an audit that’s more lit than your high school science class, KPMG found reasonable assurance that their TrustedServer system is wiping user data like it’s your ex's number after a breakup. (RIP 💔) But hold up! 🤔 Some might say, “HOLD UP! Aren’t RAM servers just *potentially* secure if they reboot often??” 🤡 Cue the *Drake pointing meme*: “Encrypt everything!!” — ProtonVPN 🥴👀 A ton of VPNs are throwing shade at Express, claiming they’re just flexing in the gym while skippin’ leg day 🏋️‍♂️. You know, "we stay encrypted, fam!" But when it comes down to it? If they don't hit that reboot button like it's the snooze on your morning alarm, are they really secure? 🤨🤯 *Leaked dev quote*: “If we didn’t reboot, we’d definitely be seething, but like, *depends on who’s asking*.” 😂💀 💥🚀 HOT TAKE: By 2025, we’ll have a *Quantum VPN* that’s completely encrypted and gives you snacks on the side. Until then, stay woke and stay anonymous. 🤖✨💥 Share this chaos with your squad and let’s get this VPN party started! 🎉