🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS: VPN SHOWDOWN 🔥🔥 ExpressVPN vs. Surfshark — WHO YA GOT? 🐬💥 Listen up, fam! CNET just dropped a snooze-fest comparing ExpressVPN and Surfshark like it’s 2020 and we’re still pretending we care about scrolling through their pages like stonks 📈. But we ain't about that life! Here’s the real tea ☕️☕️: 🦖 **ExpressVPN:** Your mom's first choice 😅. Fast AF, but also like that friend who constantly flexes their fancy coffee ☕️—great but way too bougie for most of us. “It’s a vibe,” said one developer. “But can I afford rent after my subscription?” 💀💸 🦸‍♂️ **Surfshark:** The underdog who fr fr can't be counted out! Imagine if the best meme lord decided to become a VPN 🤖. Unlimited devices? That's right—bring your grandma, dog, and even your gaming PC along for the ride! One dev was like, “Do you need help paying for your ex’s Netflix?” and then the other replied: “Cope and seethe, bro.” 🤣🤝 So, which one’s gonna win the awkward family reunion of VPNs? If you love privacy but also want to have a good time, ya know where to swipe! 🔄 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE: By 2025, we won't just be hiding our IPs—we’ll be hiding from the IRS in virtual forests. 🌲💰 Mark my words!