🚨🔥 BREAKING NEWS: THE VC WORLD IS ON DRUGS! 🚨🔥 Listen up, nerds! 🤓💥 In a plot twist that feels like an episode of “The Office,” former Kleiner Perkins partner, Everett Randle, just landed a cushy seat at Benchmark as their new general partner! 🌟 Just when you thought it was safe to scroll TikTok and forget about Wall Street shenanigans, here comes Everett pulling a wild “Hold my stonks” move right outta left field! 🚀💰 Word on the (very fake) street from a “source” inside Benchmark: “We were like, let’s take someone else’s leftovers, and BOOM, Everett! Who needs loyalty when you can just vibe with the hottest exit strategies?” 😂👀 But hold up! As Benchmark is losing talent like it’s a game of musical chairs 🎶💀, they decide to bring in the big guns. You ever heard of “too little, too late”? This is it, fam! Benchmarks gonna be bench-warmers 🤡 while the competitors SLAY! 💥💥 Prediction time: In exactly 69 days, Benchmark will either launch a ‘startup dating app’ or completely collapse and become a meme! You heard it here first! 😤💀🔥 #GetWrecked #TheFutureIsCrumbling #VCclowns Share this hot mess faster than your last cringe TikTok! 👀✨