🚨BREAKING: eToro just dropped their Q3 earnings like it's hot, and honestly, it's STILL snooze city 😴💤! But hold up, the numbers are kinda spicy 🔥! A 28% YoY net contribution surge to $215M got the stonks flexing 💰💪! And guess what? They threw in a $150M share buyback like it’s confetti at a cringe wedding 🎉🤡! According to "totally real" developer chat logs, one dev was like, "Y'all ever heard of crypto trading? Yeah, we just vibed our way to higher profits, no cap!" 💀🤖 Meanwhile, equities and commodities are over there like, "Can someone check if we're still invited to this party?" #Awkward 😬 In case you missed it—adjusted EBITDA is up 43% to $78M 🤯! This is fine, right? 🚀💸 As the market reacts, ETOR closed up 8%—waving goodbye to all the haters who thought they wouldn’t make it! Drake would approve, pointing fingers at the non-believers 👆. 🔮💥 And here’s the twist: I predict eToro will host a virtual meet-and-greet with crypto influencers next week, charging $999 to join! “Learn how to ride the bull and twirl on bearish markets!” 🤯👀 Get ready, fam, it’s about to get weird! #eToroSavvy