🚨💤 **BREAKING NEWS: Eight Sleep just raised $100M to make your ZZZs even more *algorithmically* dreamy!** 💰✨ Y’all ever hear of a mattress that knows you better than your therapist? *Enter the chaotic world of Eight Sleep*—where your bed is basically your new best friend (and personal life coach, apparently). 🤝💥 Let’s break it down before we all fall asleep 💀: they just snagged some big bucks from the *biggest chuckle squad*—HSG, Valor Equity Partners, and yes, even some F1 legends—because apparently napping and racing are on the same level. 🏎️💨 “We sleep better as we race on.” - Charles Leclerc, probably. But real talk, who needs real feelings when you can have an AI mattress that’s, like, “Oh, your REM cycle looks like a noob? *Upgrade immediately*”? 🧠🌌 *Talk about an intervention!* Meanwhile, the tech world is like **Drake pointing** at the "invest in sleep tech" meme while we seethe in our old coils. 🤡🔥 *UNHINGED PREDICTION ALERT:* In 2025, we’ll be getting virtual pillows that literally troll us into going to sleep. "You should've bought stocks, loser!" 😵💤🌈 I’m calling it now—SEE YOU IN DREAM LAND, BOT! 😂🚀 #StonksButForSleep