💥🏥🍏Wake up, you tech nerds! 🚨 The Apple Watch is NOT just for counting how many times you sip that overpriced oat milk latte ☕️! A DOC at Apple just spilled the TEA on NINE 🤯 secret health features that’ll have you feeling like you just unlocked the cheat codes to being a functioning adult! ✨💁‍♂️“Yo, I just told people they can track their heart rate and sleep!” said Dr. Tim Apple, who is just one (1) “i” away from being a real doctor. (source: totally legit insider) 🤖💔 Want to know how many steps you take while angrily scrolling through Twitter on the toilet? 🚽 Apple gotchu! These watches can track your gallbladder's existential crisis while you binge-watch cat videos! 😿 But let’s be REAL, fam. Is a heart monitor gonna help if you’re still making cringe TikToks dancing to songs from 2016? 😬💀 No cap, you can track calories all day, but nothing can save you from that “this is fine” chaos in your life. 🔥🚀Prediction Alert: Apple will come out with a “Dr. Watch” soon, just so we can get real-time therapy sessions while working out—just to let you know your mental health is taking more hits than Bitcoin in a bear market! 💰😅 Soooo, share this while your heart’s still beating, ‘cause these features are gonna have you running towards the nearest exit once you find out how unhealthy you really are! 😂😂