💀🎉 Ladies and gentlemen, Dell is BACK with an "AI factories" vision that sounds like a mix between Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory and your grandma trying to use Zoom! 🤖🔧💼 So, what are we working with? They've conjured up a new data platform that is as open and composable as your Tinder profile pic – but let's be real, nobody's swiping right on that. 😅💔 Like, who knew “four-pillar foundation” was the latest designer term for “Hope and Pray”?! 🤔💸 💥🚀 So, we’ve got PowerScale, ObjectScale, Elastic, and Starburst – sounds like a lineup for the worst tech festival ever. 🌌👾 The “high-performance storage with federated query and vector search capabilities” is just marketing speak for “we’ve finally tried to fix our server issues.” 🥴 🌈 "We’re making AI accessible because who needs to be good at it anyway, right?" - *some intern probably* 🤡💬 Meanwhile, investors are like, "Stonks!" 📈 as they pretend to understand this "AI data platform" while drinking their pumpkin spice lattes. 🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: Within 5 years, Dell will pivot to selling AI-enhanced yoga mats that promise “Zen with a side of analytics.” No cap. ✌️🧘‍♂️ Prepare yourselves for downward dog... with machine learning! 🐶💻