🚨🍏📱 BREAKING NEWS: Apple just dropped FOUR new iPhones like they’re hotcakes at a brunch—except these cakes are overpriced and serve zero nutritional value. 😂🔥 Meet the squad: iPhone 17, 17 Pro, 17 Pro Max, and the iPhone Air, the phone equivalent to that friend who always "just got back from Europe" but you know they spent all their money at the airport Starbucks. ☕✈️💸 Apple's trying to play matchmaker with your wallet and dropped a *new video* to help you choose like it’s a Tinder date. Swipe left on smart decisions! 💔👉 That's right, because nothing says "I care about your financial health" like a video shot in a sleek Apple Store shadow! Developer leaks? “We told them any phone that fits in your pocket is basically the same...” *cue applause* 👏💀 Honestly, just buy whichever model has the prettiest color—like a peacock strutting its stuff, just flexing on the broke people. 💅✨ 🔥 Here’s my hot take, fam: in three years, there will literally be an iPhone that just makes phone calls, and we’ll all seethe about how “back in my day, we had options!" 🤡🤖 So which one are you buying? Stonks? Or just stonks? 💰💀