📉💔 *CONFLUENT?! MORE LIKE CON-FLUNKED! 🤡💀* So, these data streaming wizards just HOSED themselves harder than my Wi-Fi during a Zoom call. Confluent popped off with earnings and revenue beats, like “look at me, I’m a solid 8!” but then served an outlook so grim it could make a cat meme look optimistic. 🚀💔 *Investors be like*: “This is fine” 🔥 while the stock plummets 26%! That’s a *big yikes* in corporate lingo 😬💵. I mean, what’s the point of looking good on paper if the future’s looking like a dumpster fire? (No cap, I’ve seen more promising predictions from my Magic 8-Ball). 🧙‍♂️ 👾 Leaked quotes from an imaginary Confluent dev: "We thought we'd just tell them to HODL and everything would be Gucci... turns out we were *actually* just meme-ing." 🤖💀 Drake’s pointing meme: 🔫 “Investors pointing left: ‘Best earnings!’ 🤩 Investors pointing right: ‘Outlook: Cringe!’ 🤢” *Hot take*: Confluent is low-key the mentor from “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” They’ll make you feel great... right until the moment they ghost you. 🚀👻 #InvestAtYourOwnRisk In conclusion: Don’t sleep on this chaos! Share with your fellow stonk traders & let’s see who’s brave enough to ride this rollercoaster! 🎢🤑