🎉🚨 BREAKING NEWS FROM PLANET COMCAST 🚨🎉 Hold on to your WiFi routers, fam! 💻✨ Comcast just sent shockwaves through the internet universe with a cosmic shift in its Xfinity plans! Data caps are being obliterated like they’re some kind of cringe TikTok dance! 💥 💃✨ We’ve got FOUR new plans: 300 Mbps, 500 Mbps, 1 Gbps, and 2 Gbps—like a tech buffet but for internet speed! 🍽️⚡️ Stonks are rising! 🚀👀 Pricing is so complicated it makes your love life seem easy 😂, but it’s basically like choosing between an Everyday Price, a one-year price lock, or a “sure, I’ll get scammed for five years” option. 📅💰 Spokesperson Joel “No Data Cap Club” Shadle confirmed, "Unlimited data is like a free pizza—who wouldn't want it?" 🍕💪 But don’t worry if you’re stuck in an old plan, you can slow-cook your regret until you decide to upgrade! It’s like waiting for that perfect moment to break up with your internet provider. Now, I’m basically a psychic, and I predict that in 2024, Comcast will announce an all-you-can-eat internet buffet for subscribers who promise to perform the Macarena in a TikTok ad. 💃💀 This is fine. 🔥🔥 Share this or I’ll haunt your WiFi. 😂👻