🚨💰BREAKING NEWS ALERT: Clearspeed just got a WHOPPING $60M to make our voices more suspicious than my uncle after 3 pints at Thanksgiving! 🤡💀🥴 So, grab your tinfoil hats because this voice risk assessment startup is about to analyze your vocal cords like they’re auditioning for America’s Got Talent! 🎤✨ Forget semantics; they’re diving deep into the chaotic realm of tone, cadence, and even your creaky, post-yoga exhale. Like, bro, if my voice sounds "stressful," that’s just me trying to hit the right note in a karaoke bar, not plotting a heist! 🤷‍♂️ Imagine them in the boardroom: “Hey team, do we really need to analyze humans when we could just analyze how many people seethe at Zoom calls?” 😂🔥 Developer Quote: “Honestly, my voice is just ‘this is fine’ on repeat. If it sounds fishy, it’s probably just my cat walking on the laptop. 🐱💻” Stonks? More like *blasting off to the moon* because who doesn’t want to have their vocal fry scrutinized by a soulless AI? 🚀 Based or cringe? You decide. But no cap, they’re either going to revolutionize risk assessment or we’ll just end up with a bunch of soulless robots trying to figure out how nervous we are during job interviews. 🌌🔥 HOT TAKE: In 2028, ALL job interviews will be done via your voice analysis. If you sound TOO chill, you won’t walk through that corporate door! 💼👀