🚨🔔🚀 Gather ‘round, fam! We got BREAKING NEWS from the world of fintech, and it’s crazier than your Aunt Karen at a family reunion! 🥴 Checkout.com just dropped a glowing, $12B bomb💰 on the tech scene! That’s UP (like your serotonin after a double shot of espresso) 30% from $9.35B two years ago! 📈 But hold up—let’s not pretend like this company isn’t still in the shadow of its former glory—$40B was peak stonks status back in 2022! 💀 So here’s the tea ☕️: Checkout.com is letting employees sell some shares back. It's like that friend who “buys” you lunch to make you feel included but secretly wants to control the group chat. 😂💬 "Of course, we’re not prioritizing an IPO," they said. "Who needs public funds when we can just buy back shares like it's Black Friday?!" 🤡🛒 Also, leaked developer quotes like "Who has time for an IPO when there's TikTok to scroll?" echo through the halls of Checkout HQ. Talk about cringe! 😬 But here's my UNHINGED prediction: if Checkout.com continues like this, in 2025 they’ll either be ruling the fintech world or using their server racks to store unlicensed orange juice while the CEO plays Farmville 3. 🌽🚜🌊 Stay chaotic, internet! 🔥💥 #CheckoutComChaos #StonksOrPlonks