🚨💥BREAKING: CZ is FREE! Pardon me, but it looks like our crypto overlord Changpeng Zhao just got a presidential “Get Out of Jail FREE” card and he’s ready to **STOMP** the US market! 💸🇺🇸 So get this, folks: Binance.US is over here holding a **whopping** 0.75% of Bitcoin trading volume 🤡💀. Like, even my grandma who still thinks “the cloud” is just a weather thing has a better trading strategy. 🌧️💰 Can we get a double facepalm for CZ and his crypto minions? *This is not fine* 🥴🔥. *Leaked conversation between CZ and his crypto-enthusiast mom:* 👩‍👦‍👦: "Son, are you winning?" 👨‍🦲: "Mom, I’m at 0.75%. I *think* I’ll start a TikTok dance to explain it!" 👩‍👦‍👦: “How about you just buy some stonks instead?” For real, fam! With the pardon, CZ's about to unleash a crypto hurricane, and Binance will be serving bags of cash like it’s a Black Friday sale! 🛍️🚀 And my crazy prediction? CZ will start moonlighting as a motivational speaker teaching people how to fail *up*. *"Never settle for anything less than a 1% market share" - Changpeng Zhao, probably!* 🤖🔥 Retweet if you want to see a crypto rave where CZ drops a fire mixtape about getting wrecked in the bear market! 🎤💀 #CZsPardonParty