🚨💰 BREAKING NEWS: Chainguard Just Went Full STONKS with a $280M Money Printer! 💸💀 Hold onto your keyboards, fam, because Chainguard just dropped a hefty $280M like it’s hot, six months after slurping up $356M for their Series D! 🤯💥 That's a total of $892M—enough funding to secure your grandma's knitting app. No cap, they’re practically swimming in cash like Scrooge McDuck! 🦆💸 And what's their superpower? Securing software supply chains! 🛡️🤖 “It’s like a Fort Knox for code. 🏰” said one *totally real* developer, who definitely didn’t just roll his eyes at my question. “We’re basically the Avengers of the internet. No Thanos allowed. 💪💥” But let’s be real, what are you gonna do with that much cash? Buy a yacht? Install a bouncy castle in the office? The only thing more inflated than their funding is their chances of actually getting a return on investment! 🚀 That’s a big ol’ cringe from me, dog. If I wanted to watch someone throw money around, I’d just go to a club and watch rich parents' kids! 💥 HOT TAKE: Chainguard will *literally* become the next tech unicorn or self-destruct in a meme-worthy blaze of glory—probably the latter. Buckle up, we're in for a chaotic ride! 🛴💨💣 #ChainguardOrBust