🚨💼👀 BREAKING: The universe just delivered some wild tea on the 401(k) game! Turns out, our beloved *Human Interest* and *Guideline*—the unicorns you didn’t know you needed—are about to duke it out in federal court over corporate espionage that’s so cringe, even your uncle’s conspiracy theories would go, “Dude, chill.” 💀🤡 💰✨ These high-flying startups are treating their 401(k) management like it's an episode of *The Real Housewives of Silicon Valley*. 💅 According to suspicious leaks (probably from a disgruntled intern scrolling through TikTok), one company allegedly *borrowed* the other's trade secrets like they were just READING A FREAKIN' AUDIT REPORT. 📜🤦‍♂️ "Yo, I thought we were just copying each other's memes, not trade secrets," said an anonymous dev, probably while sipping overpriced oat milk lattes. ☕🔍 But wait, it gets crazier! They're throwing shade and the feds are here for it! This is the perfect storm—the kind where everyone just goes, "This is fine" while the buildings are literally on fire. 🔥🔥 **Unhinged prediction**: 🤖💥 In a shocking twist, they’ll merge and become a mega-unicorn called "Human Guideline" and the only benefit they'll offer will be a lifetime supply of cringe memes. No cap, it’ll be legendary. 👑🚀 Stonks! 🤑📈