🌙🚨 TRIGGER WARNING: SLEEPY CONTENT AHEAD! 🚨💤 Yo, fam! 😴💤 You ever had one of those nights where you’re scrolling through TikTok at 3 AM instead of actually SLEEPING? Well, it looks like Calm is trying to save you from your insomniac lifestyle with their shiny new standalone iOS app for sleep support! 🛌✨ 💔🤡 But let’s be real, if you need an app to tell you to **sleep**, are you really even adulting?? Here’s the tea: Calm Sleep gives you a *personalized sleep plan* after you complete a questionnaire *because obviously* it knows you better than your therapist. They’re like, “Oh babe, you’ve been scrolling for 7 hours? Here’s a 3-minute audio of a babbling brook 🎶💦 – zen mode activated.” 💰💤 But for the price of a Netflix subscription, you could just get some melatonin 🤷‍♂️. I mean, who needs more screen time before bed? *Drake Pointing meme* "But it's based!" they say while *seething and coping* in their notifications! 🔥🚀 Hot take: In five years, everybody will just be getting their shut-eye through scented VR headsets and we’ll all be sleeping in digital reality, fr fr. See you in the metaverse, sleepyheads! 💀👾😵‍💫 #CalmDown #SleepIsForTheWeak #SendCoffee 🥴💥