🚨BREAKING: I’m going broke faster than a crypto bro watching his stonks crash! 💸💀🔥 So, it’s that time of year again: PRIME DAY! 🎉 It’s like Black Friday had a baby with a dumpster fire, and I'm here for the chaos! But hold up—this time your fave broke techie is actually TRYING to resist the Amazon siren call 🛑🔊. Imagine this: me, staring at my bank account like DRake pointing 😳, “Not gonna spend money on trash!” But then I remember I’m basically a tech gremlin 🦠, and boom! I’m adding unnecessary smart fridges and LED pet rocks to my cart. 📦💔 Pro Tip: If you see me buying a toaster that plays Taylor Swift... just know I’m in deep denial about my life choices. 💁‍♂️🤦‍♂️ Word on the street (aka Twitter leaks) has the Amazon devs literally saying, “If they can’t resist the Prime deals, they deserve to be broke!” 😤💅 But real talk: I’m manifesting budget vibes and not giving in to the “feels good man” dopamine hits. This is fine. Everything is fine. 😭 🔥🔥🔥 Hot take: Next year, they’ll just send drones to deliver cringe purchases straight to your EX. Who’s ready for THAT chaos? 🚀🚀🚀 #PrimeDayCatastrophe #Broketown 🥴💥