🚨💰 BREAKING NEWS ALERT: White House plays 'Who Wants to be CFTC Chair?' Edition! 💰🚨 So, like, apparently the White House is on Tinder for crypto policy peeps! 😂🔥 They’re swiping right on MORE candidates for the CFTC chair, which we all know is basically a glorified game of **hot potato** with the crypto market! 🤡💀 Current frontrunner Brian Quintenz is still stuck in traffic on the confirmation highway, and I'm just over here wondering if they’re waiting for him to drop a sick crypto mixtape before they approve him! 🎤🚦💔. **Source:** leaked convo from an *unnamed government crypto bro*: "maybe if he invests in NFTs of cats, we’d finally get a chair." 🐱💎 Meanwhile, the crypto investors are like Drake pointing at stonks 📈 while the White House is sipping tea ☕ like, “This is fine.” They’re *totally* not cringing at the thought that their next chair might just be a sentient AI bot programmed to shout “HODL!” every five minutes. 🤖💥 Hot take: By the end of the week, the CFTC chair will be a cat named Whiskers 🐾, and crypto will turn into a reality show called *Dancing with the Stonks!* 💃🔥 Get ready for the most chaotic government watchdog you never knew you needed! 💥🚀 SHARE if you think this is the wildest crypto twist yet! 🍿✨