🚨🌟 BREAKING CHAOS ALERT! 🌟🚨 So here’s the tea, fam 👀: After a voluminous “will they/won’t they” that makes my love life look like a Disney romance, the US and China have flipped the script and are ready to tango over TikTok again! 💃💥 Listen up — in an era where someone can get canceled for saying “hello” wrong (looking at you, cancel culture 😩), we’ve got Trump *allegedly* (cue the conspiracy music 🎶) saying there’s a TikTok deal coming in the next few days—like a bad Netflix series with WAY too many seasons. 😅 All I can hear is the *tock* of the clock counting down to ‘who can make the cringiest viral dance’. 💀 👁️👁️ Leavitt, the official TikTok oracle, says the deal means TikTok will be majority owned by Americans 🤔, and I can only imagine the future: middle-aged dudes using TikTok for butter tutorial ASMR. This is *beyond* cringe, fam! 🤢💸 Here's a leaked message from a developer: “If TikTok becomes American-owned, we might as well slap bald eagles on every video! 🇺🇸💪” 🤣 🔥 WILD TAKE: Here’s what I *really* think — in a few months, we’ll all be trading stock in TikTok like it's Bitcoin because why not? Stonks are about to go to the MOON! 🚀💰 Share this before it disappears faster than TikTok's user data! 😉✨