🚨🔥 HOLD UP, TECH WORLD! BIG LUMP OF 🎃 DISASTER SHOCKER COMING THROUGH! 🏦💸🤡 HongShan, aka the ex-Sequoia China, just dropped a bombshell 💣: They've only thrown down a measly 25% of that spicy ~$9B they raised back in 2022! 😱💰 Meanwhile, they’re shopping for deals outside China like it’s an online clearance sale at 12AM 🛒🛍️ “I’m just here for the snacks,” says the HongShan intern, probably. Let me set the scene: Investors were like Drake pointing while trying to convince everyone this split was “better for everyone” 🙃. But it’s more like that sad doggo in the burning room going, “This is fine” 🔥🐶. By looking for the next unicorn—possibly in the U.S., Europe, or maybe Mars (who knows?)—they might just be trying to avoid the cringe of being the last VC standing at a Chinese buffet 🍜🥡. And while we're at it, here’s a leaked chat from a HongShan dev 🤖: **Dev1:** "Yo, we’re just 1/4 in! What are we even doing?" **Dev2:** "Trying not to seethe while we watch our stonks crumble. 🤷‍♂️" Prediction: By 2025, they’ll have invested entirely in Bitcoin and NFTs, calling it "diversification," while secretly crying into their ramen. 🍜🚀 No cap!