🚨🍏💳 BREAKING NEWS: Apple’s flirting with Chase to replace Goldman Sachs on the Apple Card date! Like, did they just swipe right or nah? 🤔💔 So, while Goldman is ghosting Apple with a financial breakup faster than your ex after a Netflix binge, JPMorgan Chase is like, “Bet, let’s get this bread!” 💰💸 Can’t wait for the Chase Apple Card, where your credit score gets revised as fast as the iPhone release cycle! 😂📈 Sources say some "leaked" developer quote (totally not made up): “We had to switch it up cause Goldman was losing us stonks faster than they could chase their own tails!” – *Some guy in a hoodie probably* 🔥🔥 But honestly, who needs consumer finance experience when you can just throw in a new shade of Apple Watch every year and call it financial innovation? 🤖💎 “This is fine!” said Goldman, as they watch Apple snatch their deal like a kid at a candy store. And here’s a wild prediction: Apple will inevitably release the "Apple Card Pro Max Deluxe" in five colors, and it’ll cost as much as a small car. 🚗💥 No cap, fr fr. Get ready to see Apple’s stock hit the moon while we’re all just here vibing with our basic credit cards! 🌕💳✨