🚨💰 BREAKING: Anthropic is about to flex their wallet harder than my bank account after a Friday night out! 💀💸 Sources (aka the *Financial Times*) say they’re close to snagging $5B in fresh moolah, taking them from “Peewee AI” to “Oh Snap, We’re Worth $170B Now” in record time! 🔥🤖 Wait, hold up—didn't they just get valued at $61.5B back in March? Like, that’s a glow-up that’d make Cinderella jealous! 🏰📈 Stonks are going to the moon while OpenAI is sitting there like Drake, pointing at the greatness. 👀🤑 🌌 But here’s the gag: while Anthropic is out here playing Monopoly with cash, companies like “Also-Ran AI” are left staring into the abyss like, “This is fine.” 🔥🐶 One imaginary developer from Anthropic was quoted saying, “We just put ‘AI’ in our name and the money comes pouring in… now if only we could do the same with our bugs!” 😂👾 Prediction time! In 2025, Anthropic will accidentally create a super-intelligent toaster that starts a revolution for kitchen appliances. 🚀🍞 Who’s in? Let's just hope it doesn’t burn our bread! #AIOverlords 😱👁️