🚨 BREAKING: BOULEVARD JUST HIT THE STONKS 🚨💰 Boulevard, the “business management software” that’s basically the digital equivalent of avocado toast 🍞🥑 for spas and salons, just pulled an $80M Series D outta thin air! Led by JMI Equity (who knew they weren’t just cryptic TikTok stock tips? 🤯), this brings their valuation to a whopping ~$800M! 💸💸 So what does this mean for your self-care business? Probably nothing unless you're planning to start a competitive line of rejuvenating face masks that double as crypto wallets 🥴💆‍♂️💻. CEO of Boulevard was quoted saying, “We’re just trying to make sure your massage therapist knows how to use Excel without losing their Zen. 🧘‍♀️✨” But honestly, if you’re still managing appointments with a piece of paper and a prayer, it’s time to level UP! 🚀🔥 And while the entire tech world is collectively seething 🥴🤬, we can’t help but ask: Is this the beginning of a self-care empire run by spreadsheets? Or are we just one “boomerang business model” away from another crypto crash? 🤡💥 Prediction? In 5 years, every facial will come with a side of blockchain verification. You heard it here first! 💥👽