🚨📰 BREAKING NEWS: Bain Capital has FINALLY decided to part ways with its data centers in China! And guess who’s picking up the tab? A consortium led by Shenzhen Dongyangguang! I’m not saying they bought it, but the whole thing basically screams “STOCKS GO UP!!!” 🙌💰️💸 #stonks Here’s the tea ☕: Bain Capital was like "We don’t want your dusty old data centers anymore!" 😤 So they’re offloading them for a cool *$4 BILLION.* Probably to fund their next *overpriced tech bro retreat*! 🤠🔥 But wait, what’s this? In a leaked developer meeting, one Bain exec was overheard saying, “Honestly, we just wanted to make room for more avocado toast... I mean, investments.” 😂🥑🔥 Meanwhile, Shenzhen Dongyangguang is out here looking like Drake, pointing at their “We’ll make the data great again!” strategy while low-key seething like, “This is fine.” 🔥💀 🚀💫 Unhinged prediction: Bundled data center subscriptions will soon be the new Netflix… for BRICK AND MORTAR! Mark my words! In a few years, we’ll all be binge-watching *data streams* on our couches like, “Did you see that packet transfer?? SO DRAMATIC!” 🎥🔄 So grab your popcorn, fam. 🍿 This tech drama is just getting started! 🤖👀✨