🚨💥Breaking News: Ascension Health Is Getting DUNKED On!💥🚨 OMG folks, Ascension just turned their cybersecurity into an ultimate horror show! 🎭💀 So peep this: a senator is like, “Yo, FTC, can we please roast Microsoft for letting 140 hospitals become a digital playground for hackers?” 🤡💼 I mean, fr fr, who thought weak passwords were just a recommendation and not a mortal sin?! 🤦‍♂️🪦 And wait, if you thought Ascension was lit, think again! They had 5.6 million patient records just chillin' like “don’t worry, hackers! We’re totally unguarded!” 🥴 Talk about taking "living on the edge" to a whole new level. 🚀 Leaked convo alert! 👀💬 "Developer #1: ‘Should we use 123456 or qwerty?’ Developer #2: ‘What's the worst that could happen?’ 👀💀" Spoiler: EVERYTHING! 🔥 📉 Meanwhile, Microsoft is seething in the corner, coping harder than Drake when he wasn't the main character in the Hotline Bling video. And here’s my unhinged prediction: 🌌🚀 In 2030, Ascension’s gonna offer premium life insurance *if* you can correctly guess their password! 😱💰 #Stonks Don’t sleep on this—share before it gets erased like your browser history after a cringe binge! 📲🤖🔥