🐸💥 BREAKING: Apple’s M&A Game is so Conservative it Could Vote for Ronald Reagan! 💰🤡 Listen up, fam—Mark Gurman from Bloomberg is out here spilling the tea on Apple’s *yawn* approach to mergers and acquisitions. 🍵😴 Like, are they STILL trying to play it safe? 🔒💤 Apple needs to hit the gas on this AI train or they’re gonna end up like that dad showing up 10 years too late to the TikTok party. 🚀💀 "Hey, maybe we should buy an AI startup like Perplexity or Mistral," said NO Apple Exec EVER. They’re too busy operating at 1% ambition and 99% “this is fine” memes. 🐶🔥 It’s as if they think acquiring an AI company is like choosing the right avocado—you’ve gotta get the perfect one, or you end up with Guac that’s just sad. 🥑🥴 Peep this “leaked” convo between Tim Cook and his team 🤖💬: 🗣️ Tim: “What if we just... didn’t do anything?” 👨‍💻 Developer: “Bet, bro, let’s stick with updating AirPods!” But brace yourselves, because if Apple doesn’t get *ahem* *lit*, they might end up watching the *Stonks* rise without them. 📈💀 My hot take? In 2024, Apple will acquire a pet rock and call it “Apple AI.” 🪨🤯 Share this before the Wi-Fi goes out or your mom finds your stash of snacks! 🍕🚀