🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS: The UK 🌍 has officially decided to be the “dad” of the internet 🧑‍🦳 and is slapping a big ol' “ARE YOU EVEN OLD ENOUGH, KID?” sign on every single website! 🎉🇬🇧 That's right, it’s time for age verification like it’s a rave party and you’re just trying to score a soda! 🥤💃 Meanwhile, Apple 🍏 is sweating bullets like it’s an episode of "Survivor: iMessage Edition," ‘cause not only will your texts get interrupted for some adult diaper ads 👶🛒, but now FaceTime is basically gonna turn into "FaceTime Inquisition!" 🕵️‍♂️🔍 *”Hey Siri, am I allowed to use this app?”* The US is joining the cringe fest too, because who doesn’t want to revive a bill that sounds like it was written by someone who hasn't left their basement in a decade? 🤢💀 "Ugh, I don't need a whole operation just to watch cat videos," said every sane person ever. And as we all know, the privacy risks are *chef's kiss* level 🤌...💸 as our online lives get turned into something out of a dystopian Netflix drama! 🎥💔 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE: In exactly 2 months, your FaceTime will require your DNA and blood type for a video call, and it’s gonna be sponsored by Auntie Karen's Basement Privacy Protection 🤡💰. *Good luck explaining this to your children one day!*