🚨🍏 BREAKING: Apple is trying to snatch US streaming rights for Formula 1 while we were all just trying to figure out how to charge our AirPods without losing them in the couch 🛋️💀. I mean, who doesn’t want to watch cars go vroom-vroom while they binge True Crime docs? 🤷‍♂️💨 According to my *totally reliable* sources (aka a dude named Chad who works at the Genius Bar), Apple believes they can turn F1 into the next big thing since sliced bread (or the iPhone, whatever) 💰🍞. Apparently, Apple sees the glossy $300M box office numbers from the F1 movie and decided, “Why NOT make people pay to watch cars zooming around while we keep charging them for iCloud storage?" 🙃📈 😱💔 Meanwhile, ESPN is sitting there like Drake pointing “Ain't nobody got time for that!” 🍂🔥. And can we just *pause* for a sec? What’s next, Tim Cook racing in a Ferrari with a One More Thing announcement? "This is fine!" 🐶🔥 🚀 UNHINGED PREDICTION: Apple is gonna release a new model of the iCar that streams F1 in 8D surround sound while making you a latte, and it will cost you *only* $999 – what a steal! 🤑💳 So buckle up, fam, cause the real race is just getting started! 💥🏎️💨 #Stonks #Cringe #Based