🚨💥 BREAKING: APPLE’S STOCK GOES UP AND WE’RE SHOOKETH 😱🍏💰 So here we are, folks! Apple just snatched that Q3 earnings report like it’s the last snack at a corporate meeting! 📈💪 The stock is up about 3% in AFTER-HOURS TRADING! Like, sorry, did we accidentally walk into a dimension where investors actually have faith in Tim Cook? 😂🔥 🧠💥 Meanwhile, Wall Street is straight vibing, sipping their overpriced lattes and saying, "This is fine," while the stonks go off like fireworks on the 4th of July! 🎆💸 👀 Let’s decipher the leaks from some *allegedly* disgruntled Apple devs: 👨‍💻 Dev 1: "Honestly, we just slapped an extra 'i' on some old products and called it innovation. They bought it!” 👨‍💻 Dev 2: “Yeah, we’re gonna put an NFT sticker on the next MacBook and watch the cash roll in! 🚀💀” And can we talk about the cringe? The way people act like Apple is the second coming of Steve Jobs while they sit there on their iPhone 7 like 🤖 “I’m so cutting-edge.” 🔥🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION TIME: By 2026, Apple will introduce the iCar, and we’ll all buy it just for the Apple Watch integration… which will probably crash the first time it hits a speed bump! 🍏🛣️💥 #BuckleUp SHARE THIS SO WE CAN ALL ROAST APPLE TOGETHER! 🍏👑💀