🍏🔪🚨 *BREAKING NEWS: APPLE GOES SCORCHED EARTH ON SALES TEAMS* 🤡💀 So, like, Apple just dropped the guillotine on DOZENS of sales roles, and they’re like “chill, it’s just a small number of roles.” Bro, if your job’s on the chopping block, does it really matter if it’s “small”? 😂 *COPE* 😩 In classic Apple fashion, they hide the chaos in their shiny new iProducts. They’re streamlining sales to businesses, schools, and governments—because clearly, those sectors were just begging for overpriced Macs to run their Word docs. “This is fine.” *Fire everywhere* 🔥🔥🔥 Epic developer leak: “Our sales strategy is like my Wi-Fi during a Zoom call—constantly buffering.” 🤖📉 Meanwhile, Apple’s stonks are playing hopscotch—up, down, left, right. Are we privatizing the education system next? 🤔💰 #Cringe In conclusion, if you’re a sales rep, keep that résumé warm and cozy; you might need it to apply for a *real job* with benefits. 💀🔥 **UNHINGED PREDICTION:** Apple’s next iPhone will come with a permanent “Do Not Disturb” feature for former employees. *Stay salty, Tim Cook.* 😂👀💔 #EpicFail