🚨🔥 BREAKING NEWS: Apple vs. DOJ - The Feud of the Century! 🍏💼💥 So, Apple's out here claiming that the DOJ's lawsuit is like throwing a wet blanket on the party (yes, *that* party where no one *actually* gets to leave the garden 🙄🌳). "Reduce consumer choice?" More like "Reduce consumer sanity," amirite? 🤡💀 Apple's response is like a well-rehearsed TikTok dance: every step calculated to dodge the fact that they're hoarding all the cool apps like Gollum with his precious. 💍✨ Their argument? “Super apps" are alive and well!!! But let's be real, every time I try to download a multi-tool app, it feels like a game of Minesweeper 🧨 - one wrong move, and I’m outta storage! “Don’t worry, we’re not blocking cloud gaming!” Ehh, just like that friend who promises to bring snacks but shows up with an empty bag. What’s the vibe here, Tim Cook? 🚀👀 *Imagine Steve Jobs rolling in his grave while Apple’s chasing every penny instead of fixing their problems.* 👽💔🤖 Hot Take Alert: This will end with Apple announcing a NEW/OLD subscription service to access 'the *real* garden' where all the cool apps are, and you’ll need to mortgage your house to pay for it. Stonks??? 📈💔 So, wrap it up with your best "This is fine" meme while we sip our overpriced lattes and watch this drama unfold! 🍵🔥