🚨🍏 BREAKING: APPLE PLAYING 4D CHESS WHILE WE'RE STILL IN CHECKERS! 🎉💰 So, peep this: Apple just tossed a spicy new *tier system* onto its EU App Store like it’s the hottest mixtape of 2023! 🔥🎤 They basically said, “You can keep your pocket change, but only if you’re cool with us taking a chunky slice of your pie!” 🍰💵 No cap, they’re making developers pick between getting *basic features* or handing over the whole wallet like it's a TikTok challenge. 🤪 Picasso would say this is a masterpiece of corporate cringe. 😂🙃 Tier 1 gives you just enough to keep the lights on, but forget about the sweet features like automatic updates. 🤡 It's like, "Thanks for playing, but your app is now as useful as a screen door on a submarine." 🚪💦 Epic Games’ Tim Sweeney is like, "Sir, this is a Wendy's" while Apple’s just vibing, like “We’re gonna take your money with a smile! 😊😈” 💭 “Leaked” convo alert: *Tim:* "But what if we just... don't comply?" *Apple Dev:* "We’ll just reduce your app visibility to the digital Bermuda Triangle. Good luck!" 🚀👻 And my hot take? 🥵 In 5 years, Apple will announce the “Pay Us More For Less” subscription that costs $10/month while developers are still praying for updates. This is fine. 🐸🔥 #StonksButNotReally