🚨🍏 BREAKING NEWS: Apple’s New Multi-Headed Mega Hydra — I mean, Apple One — is finally here! 🚀🥳 So if you’re living in a cave without Wi-Fi, you might not know that Apple’s throwing a tech party with FOUR different service plans that make family life feel like a whole ass episode of “The Office.” 🤡💼💰 You got Apple One Individual, Family, Premier, and… um, does anyone really care about the Premier plan? Like c’mon, at this point, stonks are just for crypto bros and that one tech bro who never leaves his mom’s basement. 💀📈 Here’s the gist: “Apple, please take my money and set my family up for a Netflix-and-cry binge with music and storage!” 🎶📺💾#NoCap. But wait, let’s hear what the ‘leaked’ Apple dev said while crying in a basement: “We could have just called it Apple’s Monthly Extortion Package, but noooo, we wanted to sound fancy.” 😂🤖 While you’re handing over your cash, just remember: THIS IS FINE. 🔥 I mean, are you really living your best life if you're not sharing a subscription with your 2nd cousin who you don’t even like? 🤷‍♀️ 🔥 Hot Take Alert: In 2025, Apple will just require you to adopt a virtual pet that subscribes to family plans to enter the iPhone ecosystem. Better start learning meowing! 😂💥