🚨🚨BREAKING: Apple News is officially the kid at recess who just got dumped 💔💔! Major media partner says, "Nah fam, we out!" after a decade-long relationship 🥴. That's a whole 10 years of reading articles like they were an endless buffet 🥡🍽️, and now it's like, "Where's the food?!" LMAO, you can't tell me Apple didn't see this coming. This news app is looking like one of those sham dating profiles: "Great personality" but reality hits like a cold shower. 😬❄️ *Stonks trending DOWN* 📉💸. *Leaked dev quote*: “We thought we were in a committed relationship, but turns out they only liked us for our clicks.” - An imaginary Apple dev, probably. Apple users be like: “This is fine” 🔥🔥 while frantically switching to other sources like they’re on the run from the meme police 🚓💨. But seriously, Apple's News app is about to become that sad desk in your office 🚪. Where do we even go from here? 🤖🤔. If they don’t step up their game, next stop: obscurity! Hot take: Apple will pivot into a pet rock subscription service to cope with the crisis. Yes, you heard it here first 🪨📦💥!