🚨🎤 HOLD UP, TECH NERDS! 🚨 Apple just dropped a bombshell 🚀💣— introducing the *AppleCare One* 💸 subscription that’ll make your wallet scream more than your iPhone when it hits the floor! 🤡💔 For just $19.99 a month, you can protect THREE devices! Yes, $20 to rescue your overpriced tech from that chaotic universe we call LIFE 😂✨. But wait, there’s a twist! 👀 You wanna add more gadgets to your virtual life raft? That’ll be an extra $5.99 each. Stonks? More like *get finessed, my dude*. 🤭💰 They say you get all the love of AppleCare Plus, which basically equates to being lovingly coddled while they charge you for every tiny scratch. 🤷‍♂️ Also, you can add products up to 4 years old, but don’t be surprised if they send the *Apple Ghostbusters* 🕵️‍♂️👻 to check if your AirPods are still breathing. Only headphones under a year can stay, so if your earbuds are older than my last relationship, they’re OUT! 🔥💔 Developer quote leak: “Honestly, we’re just trying to monetize people’s poor life choices.” 🤖💀 Classic Apple! 😂 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE: In 2024, Apple will launch *iFlix*—a subscription service to watch videos of people dropping their iPhones, because why not monetize the pain? 🍏📱💔💀