🎉🍏 Buckle up, tech fam, ‘cause Apple’s dropping bombs on September 9, and it’s gonna be a wild ride! Why? ‘Cause they’re coming in hot with the iPhone 17 Air, which is so thin it might just float away like my hopes of getting a salary raise 🥲💸. Mark Gurman from Bloomberg spilled the tea ☕ on what to expect, and lemme tell ya, it’s a whole buffet of “take my money!” 💸🚀. Major design upgrades? More like major design *upgraded* to “Are we even sure there’s a phone there?” 🤔📱✨ But wait, there's more! THREE new Apple Watch models because apparently one watch just isn’t enough to confuse your parents on FaceTime 💁‍♂️🕒. And who can forget the AirPods Pro 3? Rumor has it they’re so good that you’ll hear your ex’s *”I’m sorry”* crystal clear from across town. 😏💔 Leaked dev quote: “We just took our design team, locked them in a room, and blasted ‘90s pop until they produced this stuff.” 🤣🔥 So get ready for a product showcase that’ll make your wallet scream in agony, ‘cause Apple’s NOT stopping until your bank account is empty! 💀💔 👀 Prediction: By 2025, Siri will be your therapist, and we’ll all be addicted to buying virtual iPhones just so we can see them in AR. 🤖💥 #Stonks #Cringe #AppleEvent