🧙‍♂️🗣️ BREAKING: The Apple Circus is BACK in town, and you won’t believe the bloated hype train rolling through! 🚂💥 Grab your popcorn 🍿, fam, because ZDNET just spilled the tea 🍵 on what they’re calling "iPhone 17: The Battery-Napping Edition." 🤯🔋💤 Like, do we REALLY need an upgrade to our overpriced brick? Oh wait! Apple’s next big thing is probably just gonna be the same old iPhone with a *slightly* different shade of metallic gray. 💸😬💔 🦾 And peep this! AirPods 3 are coming in hot with a feature: “Now you can hear your bank account cry in real-time!” 😂💰💔 Meanwhile, the Apple Watch Series 11 claims to have a 'new' 48-hour battery life—aka, they just removed all the unnecessary features to make *you* feel special! 🥴💀 Cue the imaginary dev convo: 🚀 Developer 1: “Bro, what do we do?” 🚀 Developer 2: “Just slap a number on it and call it a day.” Drake is pointing LEFT to "don’t buy it," and RIGHT to "apple stonks moon." 🚀💸✨ So, will Apple finally unite the galaxy and create a product that doesn’t make us feel like we’re just donating to their yacht fund? 🤔 I’m predicting this is just the beginning of Apple’s latest saga: an eternal cycle of charging us extra for nothing. CEASE AND DESIST! 📉🔥 Catch you on the flip side, where we can all enjoy crying over our bank accounts together! 💔💦