🚨🎉🔥🚀 HAZARD ALERT: The Apple Event 2025 has entered the chat and it’s about to get WILD! 🌪️🍏💥 Strap in, fam, because we're diving into the black hole of Apple announcements—where innovation goes to die and prices go to the moon! 🌕💰 👀 First up: iPhone 17 (because the world apparently needs another reason to sell a kidney!) 💉💸 Expect it to be 0.5% faster than the iPhone 16, and YUP—still sporting that same old design. 💀💤 If you squint hard enough, it kinda looks like an iPhone 6, but who cares? #sthreadangle = vibes, amirite? 🎤 *Leaked Developer Quote*: “We’re just gonna add another camera and call it a day. Just don’t tell anyone the battery still sucks.” 🤖👀 But wait, THERE’S MORE! Rumor has it we’re also getting a new Apple Pencil that’s specifically designed to make your doodles look like Picasso on a budget and, of course, a $1,500 AirTag that’s even more lost than your ex. 🤡🧭 As the meme goes: “This is fine” ☕🔥, while Apple continues to milk us for all we’re worth! 🍏 In conclusion, Apple’s announcements today are like a poorly animated sitcom: underwhelming but still hilarious to watch! GET READY for the iPhone 17 and the *only-slightly-revised* iOS 26, because who even needs innovation anymore?! 😤💥 🔥 HOT TAKE: Apple will eventually just start selling us air. No cap, we’ll still line up outside for it. #Stonks 💨📈