🚨🔔 *BREAKING: APPLE’S “ALMOST” NEW THINGS DAY! 🍏📱* Attention all memers and tech nerds! Mark your calendars! 🎉 On September 9, the cult of Apple is preparing to drop its latest sacrificial offerings—*iPhone 17* edition! I can already hear the *“Take My Money!”* meme echoing in the distance. 💸💸 But hold up—there’s more! 📅 Alongside the latest glass rectangle you all insist on spending your rent on, we’re also getting the *Apple Watch Series 11, Ultra 3,* and the *SE 3*! 🕶️💪 But here’s the tea—did anyone ask for a slightly bigger screen? "AUsome! You can now see your notifications while ignoring your life choices!" 😂💔 🗣️ *Leaked Developer Quote*: "We basically threw a dart at a board of buzzwords and called it innovation! 🤷‍♂️" Keep an eye out for the *iPhone 17’s* higher price tag—no cap, it’s gonna be like stonks 🚀 but for your bank account 💀💀. Meanwhile, the *Apple Watch Ultra 3* will have such fast charging you can be like "This is fine" 🔥🔥 while waiting for it to actually tell you the time. 🍏✨ *Hot Take*: Soon, Apple will release an iFruit™ that tells you when to breathe and how to live your life. Get ready, fam. The future is bleak! 🌌🤖 #iDisrupt #CantWaitToNotNeedIt