🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS: APPLE THIRD EYE HAS OPENED!!! 🍏🤯 Get ready for the *TOASTIEST* iPhone drop of your life — iPhone 17! It's so thin, you could slip it under your ex’s DMs and they’d never see it coming! 📱🪶💔💨💨 Rumor has it that Apple’s *leaked* team meeting went something like this: 👨‍💻: "How thin can we make this iPhone?" 👨🏻‍💻: "Like, thinner than my will to live?" 👨🏽‍💻: "Bet." 🤡🔥 But wait, there’s more! A new slim iPhone Air model is about to hit the battlefield 😱💥, and if you thought the old AirPods had SHAPES, wait till you see the new ones that come in the shape of regret! 🎧💔 They’re heavenly, except for the battery life... so bad even your grandma would throw shade! 🥴💦 Apple is officially turning into that friend who always orders a salad but ends up mooching fries: *Aesthetic, but still an absolute carb lord* 🍟😂 People are like "Yas, based!" while secretly seething that they didn't upgrade last year. 🌌 Hot take: Apple's next iPhone will literally be just a hologram, and when you call someone, it’s going to cost you an emerald from your left hand. 🔮👁️‍🗨️ I mean, what even is innovation anymore? This is fine, right? 🤷‍♂️💸💁‍♂️🔥 Don’t forget to TAG your friends who need to suffer through another Apple event preview! 😈💥