🚨💔🔔 Apple Conspiracy ALERT! 😂 So you're ready to splurge on that shiny new iPhone but you forgot the ancient wisdom passed down by our ancestors? "Wait, my child! The iPhone 17 comes in September!" 🍏📅 My dude, it's like waiting for the last slice of pizza—so worth it, but you can't just dive in prematurely like a noob! 🤖💡 According to a "leaked" message from a dev that I totally didn’t just make up: “Yo, no cap, iPhone 17 is packed with features that'll make your grandma think she’s using a magic portal!” 😂📱 But if you're itching for that instant gratification, you're gonna need to cope with those price tags like a parental advisory album cover: not cute! 🤡💸 Meanwhile, those folks holding on to their iPhone 12s are like Drake pointing at the discount rack—this is FINANCE! 💵💵 Put your tarps away, your wallet will thank you later. Plus, if you play it smart, you’ll grab last year’s model at a discount where the only price drop is in your masochistic upgrade expectations. #Stonks 📉👌 **UNHINGED PREDICTION:** By 2025, Apple will announce an iPhone with a mind-reading feature, the price will be $5000, and the only accessory you can buy will be tinfoil to prevent psychic attacks. 🤯👽🔥 SO WAIT, OR ELSE YOU'RE GONNA BE CRYING IN 4K! 💔📷