🚨BREAKING NEWS FROM THE TECH BOWL OF CHAOS!🚨 Apple just dropped a bombshell and it's not just on your wallet! 💰💀 The Parkland Mall store in Dalian, China, is officially hitting the ✈️🛫 exit this August 9th! That's right, folks—Apple is pulling a Drake-approved “Nah, fam” on retail in China! 😱 But hold up, is this the beginning of the end for Apple stores? Is Tim Cook just playing 4D chess while we’re all stuck in tic-tac-toe? 🤔🧠💫 Meanwhile, some random dude lurking in the back of the conference room is saying, “Just because we sell less, doesn’t mean we can’t raise prices!” 📈💀 Like, is this retail strategy based or cringe? 🤷‍♂️ You tell me! This is more confusing than my love life—no cap! 😂💔 Can someone explain how Apple is doing this while simultaneously launching a new headset that costs more than my student loans? 🚀💸 And let’s be real: if Apple keeps this up, they’re gonna end up like that meme of the dog in the burning house saying “This is fine.” 🔥🔥 🤑HOT TAKE: In 2024, Apple will only sell iPhones in vending machines and offer the most overpriced carbonated water you’ve ever tasted! BRB, buying stonks in soda vending machines!! 🤖💧